First post is always the hardest

Writing this blog is something that I’ve done in the past and then left behind. Haven’t written much in ages but I though would start again. I would introduce myself, but I dont want you to know who I am; and much about me. My name is Nimi Tilly, and of course that is not my real name. I am 19 at the post of this, and I guess you just need to know I live in Norwich.

My first post is not something happy nor something sad because I was hurt repeatedly by someone who I believed was one of my closest confidants. They were kind and always there at first; but when I needed them most they weren’t and I was lied to time after time. He would never ring after a while and then when he did it was only because I badgered him to or someone else made him. I hated it. I was told that he would change or he could change and that he wi learn. But he hasnt. Im sitting here now after he accused me of something that hurt me deep. He accused me of lying and being cruel and harsh; and also that I was not religious. Let me get this straight, I am a Muslim, and I have never denied this. Now, I rung him hoping he had changed and apologised for a lot of lies he told me and having a go at me saying what I believe in was rubbish – but he hadn’t. I fell for the same lies. Now he doesnt realise the problems he has caused. He does not understand that students at university all live different lives, especially with regards to money or time. I am a busy student admittedly and also very poor. I do not depend on parents or siblings or friends, just my lovely loan which I have to pay back. I have a job now which is great. But you cannot assume all students have the time, and the energy or the money to do everything. Sometimes, just likveryone else we have problems and want to hide in our rooms. And no I dont drink or smoke, in fact im a vegetarian (and trust me that makes things cheaper).

Now this friend assumed all students are the same, and I hate how he did that. Then accused me of not being religious and not contacting him. He denied saying things which have hurt me and by the end of the conversation I had to hang up and cry. He made me feel small and because he knew me so well he could hit me down to the bone. He did not realise that he had broken whats left of a mending heart. So ive given up now, and its been a month and a half. Thankfully im re-building my life, but it would be nice to know he cared. Everyone says he does; but for once I dont want to be the one to ring him, and he can work it out for himself. He did not ring me on the day of a friends funeral or the anniversary of a very bad day even though he promised.

So this is dedicated to him, the public disowning and dismantle of our friendship. I’ve given up on people who hurt me, and to be honest. I one day hope he realises that life does not revolve around him; and to send one text would not take so long.

Sorry about the negativity. Nimi xx

~ by nimis on November 2, 2008.